Roll Over, Play Dead.

how about an update for ashley, & a recap for my damn self..

• apMUSiCfiend:
  kuya..

• JonLdot:
  Awding...

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i asked my boyfriend to cut me.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  he did it.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  for the sake of being allowed to go to a party.

• JonLdot:
  Wtf is wrong witchu?

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i thought he wouldn't do it!

• JonLdot:
  Woooooow

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i didn't want him to go.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  OMG. wtf is wrong with me.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  idk what's wrong with me!

• JonLdot:
  Daamn. Fuck that shit

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i'm fuckin' losing it, freal jon.

• JonLdot:
  Fuck that

• JonLdot:
  He really cut you just to go to a party

• JonLdot:
  Shit I wudnt cut my girl ever

• apMUSiCfiend:
  let me EXPLAIN though.

• JonLdot:
  Ok

• apMUSiCfiend:
  so thursday. we had a wonderful fuckin day. and over the phone he tells me he's being "forced" to go to a party, and he asked if he could go, like have MY permission to let him go.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  I said, i didn't feel comfortable, so can you please just sit this one out cause i'm not there and like there's drinking and random people there?

• apMUSiCfiend:
  and he says, well i'm going anyway.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i said WTF why would you ask me if you can go then? he said i just wanted to tell you i was going. then i went on a rant talking about how he didn't value my opinion and how he didn't fuckin care about what i wanted anyway. and we argued about that for a good 15 minutes.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  and i started CRYING hysterically on the phone. and me crying went on for like 10 minutes and he was just fuckin listening. so i got fed up! i was like wtf i'm crying and you're not saying shit! i'm crying hurt as fuck over here and it's still not changing your mind?! and he says why don't you want me to go?! you don't trust me?!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  I said it's not you that i don't trust it's your fuckin influence and then it's those fuckin people that are going i don't trust!

• JonLdot:
  Mann you don't need to trip

• apMUSiCfiend:
  and he says you act like i'ma go fuck some random person! and i told him, honestly i thnk you might.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  and it's like

• apMUSiCfiend:
  ugh.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  that's not even half of it!

• JonLdot:
  If he's really down for you he wudnt even let whoever it is over there let them do that to him

• apMUSiCfiend:
  it goes on!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  kuya he fuckin calls me a bitch when he gets mad enough, he says every DISRESPECTFUL thing to me about me and everything!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  this happens before and after this one arguement!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  so i go cry myself to sleep thursday night. and he calls again in the morning! i'm still fuckin' down because of what the fuck happened. and he just calls to remind me he's STILL going!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i'm like wtf! okay fine whatever. and more crying and shit in the morning before i go to school.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  then DURING class! my friend whose goin' out with his little brother says that she hears him call me a bitch!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  and i just say.. yea, he does sometimes.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  do you know how fuckin degrading that is to admit that that's true!?

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i start getting down on my fuckin' self.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  like i'm horrible i deserve this shit and like really i need to excuse myself from class to have YET ANOTHER moment to myself.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  afterschool i meet him up at city college and we argue over the same shit again and i storm off. he follows and i just turn around and say wtf . wtf do you want from me.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  and he's like IDK. so i say gtf away from me then. and i walk away and i break my ruler in half.

• JonLdot:
  Fuck that nigga

• JonLdot:
  He aint work yur time

• apMUSiCfiend:
  he follows and i say if you really want to go to this party and you want me to be okay with it then cut me.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  he DOES it.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  he hesitates at first but he does it!

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i told him to do it til i bleed. and he DID it.

• JonLdot:
  Fuck that shit

• apMUSiCfiend:
  that's basically saying he'd rather see me bleed than sacrifice one fuckin' night of partying!

• JonLdot:
  worth*

• JonLdot:
  He's not worth it

• apMUSiCfiend:
  but me, stupid fuckin' me. I can't seem to process that. I can't seem to compute that and something idk what is telling me to wait this out.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  but i can't.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  it fuckin' hurts, and i'm fuckin tired of it. but i can't.

• JonLdot:
  Awding... its not worth it

• JonLdot:
  Take this from yur kuya

• JonLdot:
  I been there done that

• JonLdot:
  Shit is already an abusive relationship and when he literally draws blood from you yu most definitely needa get yurself away from that

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i asked for it.

• JonLdot:
  So what

• JonLdot:
  And he followed thru

• JonLdot:
  So its yur fault?

• JonLdot:
  Fuck no

• JonLdot:
  Don't blame yurself for this

• JonLdot:
  Yur askin for it if yu stay in that relationship

• apMUSiCfiend:
  idk.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i am asking for it.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  is it my fault though?

• apMUSiCfiend:
  that's always what's dragging me back. that it's my fault.

• JonLdot:
  No

• JonLdot:
  Fuck that

• JonLdot:
  Drop him

• JonLdot:
  He's not worth yur time

• JonLdot:
  Realize that yur better than that

• JonLdot:
  That's what you need to know

• apMUSiCfiend:
  kuys you don't know the shit i've been doing to my damn self.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  i'm like falling into that downward spiral from like MIDDLE school. only like worse.

• apMUSiCfiend:
  the only thing about it is, i'm being 100% complacent with like everything.

• JonLdot:
  Yu need to get hit by reality and notice that relationships are not meant to be like that

• apMUSiCfiend:
  I already know. I'm a hypocrite when people ask about relationship advice but really, I don't think I'm ready to or I want to.

• JonLdot:
  Its on you

• JonLdot:
  You already know what I think you should do

• JonLdot:
  Know*

• apMUSiCfiend:
  Yeah.. I do.

• WTF man, this shits HARD. -.-